Saturday, October 24, 2015

Opening up about IVF: doug and lizzie

IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) and infertility problems are very private matters. People just do not talk about them. Yes, there are blogs and places where people share that type of information and people are becoming more open about it, but generally it is treated as a big secret. I totally get it. People think they are not “normal” because they can not have children the “normal” way. They feel inadequate and like less of a “man” or “woman”. It hits you deeply in a very personal place. I get it - the main reason there was a 6 month break in the blog was because of our infertility issues.

I know people disagree with IVF and to an extent I disagree with the “typical way” IVF is done. Doug and I had to find a way to do IVF that fit with our beliefs and faith. It has been a very interesting ride.

With all that said, I am going to tell Doug and I’s story of infertility. This has become a huge part of our lives and we have discussed many things most married couples do not have to. We have learned a lot about ourselves and each other. To our friends and family – this may give you insight and help you understand some of the challenges we have faced. To the random people looking for IVF information -  may it help you make HUGE decisions you did realized you had to make.

Now down to it! Doug and I had been trying to have children since February 2014. We got married in May 2012 and wanted to wait a bit to enjoy being married before jumping into kiddos. We were practicing the Sympto-Thermal Method to prevent children (in hindsight we needed no help in preventing- oh the irony). I had never been on birth control pills. When it was time to try to have children, we thought it would be easy – as most do. I did have a feeling way back when we would have some challenges, but I just chalked that up to me being a worrier.

So a year later we were still not pregnant. We went to the doctor and both had some tests run. It was at the end of March that we found out there was an issue.

Here is where you get all curious and want to know what the issue is. Really, it does not matter. There are lots of things that cause infertility and each person is different. Sometimes it is an issue with one person and sometimes it is because of both people. Here is the important thing – when one of you has an infertility problem, then you BOTH have an infertility problem.

In April 2015 we found out we could not physically have children together no matter what. There is 0% chance of us having a baby with out IVF. That hit hard. It hit me way harder than it hit Doug. I mourned the loss of not being able to “make a baby” the “normal way”. It took a little while, but I finally got over that loss.


We started researching IVF and why the Catholic Church was against it. We looked up embryo grading and what that meant. We met with friends that had done IVF, learned about genetic testing, figured out how much it would cost and had MANY serious discussions. It was a tough time.

We weighed the options. Would be regret not having our own children? Should we give this a shot? Is there a way to do IVF that fits with our beliefs, faith and morals? (Teaser – YES! But it is not traditional IVF and I will soapbox about this later.)

All this happened at the end of March/beginning of April. So to keep with the timeline of our lives, I will continue to blog what was going on and insert the IVF updates as they happened. So just as we had to wait months to watch this unfold, so will you have to wait (just weeks though. Open-mouthed smile).

Love and Hugs, Lizzie

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